"Pansexuals are just bi with special snowflake syndrome"
"Asexuals just havent found the right person yet"
MY MOM JUST ASKED ME WHAT I WANT MY CAKE TO BE FOR MY SPIDER-MAN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I TOLD HER I WANT IT TO BE IN THE SHAPE OF ANDREW GARFIELD’S BUTT AND SHE WAS LIKE “SEND ME SOME PHOTOS I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO” OH MY GOD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
'Scuse me, but may I have a piece of that ass?Do you know how many times I made that joke at my party
one time when i was like 12 my dad wanted me to put a dvd in the dvd player and i was like ‘what do i get in return’ and he said ‘you can have half of the winnings of this stupid lotto ticket’ and he ended up winning 600,000 dollars and i was so pleased with myself. 300,000 dollars when youre 12 is pretty much like infinity dollars. he was so mad
Shit, man, $300,000 would be like infinity dollars to me now.
I SWEAR TO GOD THERE IS A GIRL IN MY CLASS WHO CAN READ MY THOUGHTS SHE’S ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY WHEN IM THINKING INAPPROPRIATE THINGS SO I SAID IN MY HEAD “START LAUGHING IF YOU CAN HEAR ME” AND SHE STARTED LAUGHING IM SCARED?????
This is either a plot for a new X-Men movie or a Stephen King novel.